I’ve always struggled with letting go. It often comes in the form of aligning my thoughts with the situation. What do I mean by this? Often I’m tempted to alter the situation so that I get the outcome that I'd like, but I gain self-acceptance when I no longer tamper with it. I take action, and then, once I acknowledge that there is nothing more that I can control, often with an internal struggle, I finally arrive at a place of self-acceptance.
If you are a future-focused person, you might find it helpful to imagine what you’d like to see. You might imagine what acceptance looks like for you. How would you feel once you’ve let go? Or maybe this means investigating what is making it difficult to let go. The feelings that you’re experiencing might feel uncomfortable. It might be scary to acknowledge what waits on the other side of acceptance. Or maybe you’re hoping for closure and there’s this stuckness that you’re experiencing. You might wonder about what you might be resisting and how this might make it difficult to let go.
It’s not an easy process. If another person is involved, it’s not a matter of whether the person deserves this forgiveness. It’s about whether you want to continue holding onto this pain and resentment against this other person. So how do we go about this pain?
It starts with compassion towards ourselves.
We acknowledge what we’re dealing with, while maintaining responsibility. It’s not about having pity for ourselves, but rather validating our own experiences. We’re metaphorically embracing ourselves and showering ourselves with the love that we need during this painful process. When we treat ourselves with kindness and non-judgment, we can work through the pain and start to forgive ourselves and others involved. These are some phrases that you could use to acknowledge your own pain and be compassionate with yourself:
“This hurts and I’m here for you.”
“No one should go through this and it’s painful.”
“It’s hard to be in so much pain. What do I need right now?”